Sooo - I was thinking this morning while I was in the shower about guilt. Seems I dealing with a lot of guilt. More than anything else I feel that the most. I have a long list of things I feel guilty about. I don't keep my house clean enough, I don't get as much done as I need too, commissions, spending time with friends, money, mothering, my health, etc... the list literally goes on and on. As I write this I feel emotion welling up in me because I am constantly berating myself for my lack of accomplishments.
My goal needs to be how to overcome the guilt more than anything else on my list. I need to be kinder to me. If I treated and spoke to a child the way I do to myself that child would be incapacitated for fear of all sorts of failures. Intellectually I know this - my inner child is hurting. But on the outside I just keep doing it. How do I stop the cycle? It seems ridiculous knowing that I just have to "be happy". I know that is the key to it all.
I think I will start small. Make a list of things to be happy and grateful for. Maybe even make a list of things I have done right. You can always get so much more out of a person when they are happy and feeling good about themselves.
Dang - where did all of that come from? Guess I should put my male repaint on now! This is a Matt repaint, reroot, resculpt commission of an Indian man. I just love him to pieces. One of my all time favorites! He was completed this year.
Laurie, that is something I battle with every moment of the day. Sometimes it's crippling, I've been using you as my example though.. helping me through so much. Helping me to be a better artist and a better business person. I learned this isn't just a hobby and your customers are not your friends with the exception of a few but more than anything they are still your customers. I've learned a lot from you please know that you inspire me every single day of your life, with your kindness, your art, your busines practices, and more than anything your friendship. I love you muchly Lo!
ReplyDeleteHUGS,
Ked
Thanks Keddie - I wrote you an email.
ReplyDeleteHi Laurie,
ReplyDeleteI always have thought of you as a person of immense talent. I find your repainting to be so flawless and it seems you carry that into your personal life. You expect so much from yourself that you don't give yourself room to breathe. I mean, from what I read that you feel that everything should be exact but when it doesn't , or you feel you fell short, feelings of guilt are present.
First of all, I think you should try to put that guilt aside and concentrate on what you did accomplish for the day. So what if the house isn't perfectly clean, maybe you got a repaint done beautifully, or maybe you got to plant some beautiful flowers or maybe you took a break and got some reading time done. I think you have stretched yourself too thin and that's why you are feeling this way. Appreciate what you can do for today, for tomorrow always come and you can finish then, what you didn't today.
Take time to appreciate yourself on the small things that you do.
Wishing you well.
Hugs
Bren =0)
Laurie,
ReplyDeleteIf I could paint just half as good as you do, I would not care if my house ever was clean! LOL ;-)
All kidding aside, I do understand how you feel. I wish I could give you advice, but I dont know how to deal with it myself. BTW...Brenda's advice is great!
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in how you are feeling and I think that you are a truly amazing person!!
Hugs,
Laura